ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
