I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
