it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
