im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
