we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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