oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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