I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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