he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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