Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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