i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
