It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What drink are we having for lunch?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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