so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
