My Higher Power is John Stamos
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
