i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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