How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
