My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
