I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When are your genitals available?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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