I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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