i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
