Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
