Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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