she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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