Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize