you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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