That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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