He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
