i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
whose parrot is this?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
