I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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