So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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