Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your cock deserves a montage
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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