i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
