He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
