Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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