Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize