is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
