god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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