Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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