i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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