Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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