do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
