I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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