So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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