I am in a vortex of obligation.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
