i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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