dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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