My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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