how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
