Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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