I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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