Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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