the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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