I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
