Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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