My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
