She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Congratulations! We have a period
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
