just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
