where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
