Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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